he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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