If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
