I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
