you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
