I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
