He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
