hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
