Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
