Me too!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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