I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
