you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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