Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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