just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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