loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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