I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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