I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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