Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Less talking, more tequila
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize