I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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