Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Boobs speak an international language.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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