I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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