Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
