why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize