why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
