my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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