3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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