Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
