She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Houston, we have a squirter
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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