yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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