The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
