my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
