sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
