we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
