I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
