Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
