Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Are my feet made of real feet?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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