it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize