so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think a kid would responsible me up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
