I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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