Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
