Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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