Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
