oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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