..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
