I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
