yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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