yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Houston, we have a squirter
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
