in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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