3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
