seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
