it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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