She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And then he peed in my hair
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