Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
