Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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