Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize