Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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