so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
