just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
