I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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