Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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