So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize