my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
