How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
