This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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