WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
