i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
