miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I AM VODKA MAN
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize