its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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