Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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