Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
