I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
